Commentary

Too old to wear skinny jeans!

August 24, 2016   ·   0 Comments

Mark Pavilons

 
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There comes a time in everyone’s life when they realize they just can’t compete with the youngins.
Alas, the body raises the white flag long before our minds and wisdom begin to fail. So here we are, my fellow 50-somethings – smart, experienced, funny and genuine souls, who are deemed too old to wear a sports jersey!
It would seem, from a recent survey in Britain, that I’m too old for many things, and almost ready to be put out to pasture. As my birthday nears on Sept. 2, I will likely be breaking some of the so-called rules set out below. Because I can. Because, once you reach a certain age, I believe we all earn the right to speak our minds and act how we choose.
The 2,000 Brits surveyed say I should no longer have a Facebook account, the upper limit being age 49.
I’m too old to get drunk in public – that should stop at age 38!
Well, let me tell you I’ve been to some fancy cocktail parties and on various Caribbean beaches where they didn’t get the memo. I’ve seen people in their 60s and 70s put away enough booze to down a rhino. And good for them!
I had to stop wearing a sports jersey at 42 and after 44, I was no longer welcome at any nightclubs.
Apparently, those who answered the poll say I can no longer go to a music festival. The cutoff is age 45. I’d like to remind them that many of our iconic rockers are still performing, well into their 60s and 70s. So it only stands to reason their fans would be older, too.
My wife and I attended a concert by Gowan recently and I was surprised at how many 60-plus fans were singing and shouting along with this Canadian star.
According to the study, women shouldn’t wear a mini skirt past the age of 39. Women can’t wear a bikini past 46 and none of us should squeeze into skinny jeans past 47. And you can’t stay out past midnight, once you reach the ripe old age of 52!
Tell that to Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen, Alice Cooper, Steven Tyler, Cher …
At the age of 36 it is no longer considered okay to like a “boy band” and we should refrain from texting. 🙁
Past 34, taking selfies are a definite no-no. That makes Kim Kardashian West past her prime.
Under these guidelines, I can’t get my belly button pierced and I must stop watching reality TV. Damn!
Some 62 per cent of Brits say they cringe when they see people wearing clothes “too young” for them, and a further 54 per cent have found it embarrassing when someone acts younger than they are.
My wife may agree. I have yet to reach the age of maturity – I’m much too young for that! I wear loud, colourful shirts in the summer – I want to be spotted from the International Space Station! I play with toys. I keep taunting my better half, saying I’m going to dye my hair blond and add some streaks. I’m gonna wear a cape or a single glove! Humour also gets better with age.
I think those 2,000 surveyed were likely under 30, so they’re still babes and really don’t have a firm grasp on life.
I firmly believe the concept of “growing old gracefully” is out the window, or has changed dramatically.
As I mentioned, once you reach a certain age I believe you can say what you want, swear at whomever you wish, eat, drink and be merry. You’ve earned it!
I’m not qualified to provide any benchmarks because they would be way off. I’ve seen seniors perform incredible feats.
In cultures other than our own, the adults and seniors are revered and very respected. Why? Because they’ve seen it all, done it all, and learned a lot along the way.
I concur.
Just think of our parents or grandparents, who lived through a world war, the Depression, booms and busts over the past century. They did things, I believe, that very few of us could muster today. They fought wars, protested and lobbied for equal rights. They worked extremely hard and took pride in everything they did. They loved their homelands, and they loved Canada even more.
My dad’s been gone 18 years now. If he were still alive, he’d be 97, and likely cranky as hell! I wouldn’t dare tell him – at any point in his life – there was something he couldn’t do. I didn’t even comment when he wore socks with sandals!
In my profession, I’m so lucky that I get to meet some really interesting people. I gather insights, first-hand, from some who really have “done it all.” I pick their brains and take away as many “nuggets” as I can. They help me grow.
Some of the fascinating souls are older – in their 60s and beyond. They’ve accomplished incredible things and accumulated more wisdom than you can imagine. To all those I’ve interviewed for feature articles in the paper, thank you!
Too old to wear a bikini? Heck, I’d even wear one! And I’d take a bunch of selfies and post them on my Facebook page!
Time is not always good to us. But it’s up to us to use it wisely and make every second worth living.
So grab those skinny jeans, mini skirts and sports jerseys and head out to a music festival! Who’s with me?

         

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